Week 11 Story: Dads, Look!
Dads, Look!
The seven men left of the original war party sat around the fire and spoke about their day. As usual, at the end of the day, they were all exhausted. Had they been a normal group with no other responsibilities to speak of that weren't toward each other, hunting, scouting, and the like, they would no doubt have been brimming with energy at the end of their days.
But with their little girl, Foot-Stuck-Child? No. Definitely not. Each day left them tired and haggard, but they wouldn't have had it any other way.
"Foot-Stuck-Child lit me on fire today," one said. His eyebrows were missing. The ends of his sleeves were singed black, and his hair was noticeably shorter. "I didn't burn for the most part. She's getting better." He leaned back and smiled smugly. Who could top being set on fire?
Another man waved him away. "Please, she sent me to the bottom of the river! I could still breathe for the most part, but she just sat on the bottom playing with the fish."
The men all murmured to each other. At least he hadn't almost drowned this time.
"I saw her talk to a boar, then change it into a rabbit when he said some mean things to her." The others nodded in realization. So that's where the especially rich rabbit meat came from today.
One of the younger men, not to be outdone, pushed out his chest and said proudly, "I saw our daughter make a porcupine from mud and grass."
They snickered. "Is that why we had to pick quills out of your backside then?"
The younger father ducked his head in embarrassment but laughed along with them anyway.
"Well, I saw her open a hole bigger than the river is wide."
"Well, I saw her close it."
"But I saw her make a ball all on her own."
They murmured among themselves. Doing something as simple and age-appropriate as making a ball, and without instruction!, was the most impressive thing their daughter had done for the day.
"Dads, look!" Foot-Stuck-Girl called. They looked over at her. A coyote stood across from her, wide-eyed and trembling. She bounced the ball once. When it came back down, she kicked it onto the sky. The coyote flew upward with a yelp that trailed off almost immediately.
In the night sky appeared a constellation of a coyote. She grinned at them proudly.
They sat for a moment, stunned, then cheered in pride. A few laughed and repeated the poor coyote's surprised yelp. They beckoned her into their circle and sat around the fire late into the night telling stories.
Author's Note
This story is based on "Splinter-Foot-Girl" from the Marriage Tales unit. The story is an Arapaho tale about the girl who is magically conceived when a thorny branch sticks the thigh of one of the seven remaining men in a war party. Their daughter is soon born, and they raise her. Throughout the story, Foot-Stuck-Child shows amazing magical powers that her dads don't even blink at. I'd like to think it's because they're so used to her doing that stuff. So I wanted to write a snapshot of what her much younger days might've looked like!
Bibliography
Constellations. Getty Images.
Splinter-Foot-Girl from Arapaho mythology by Stith Thompson
Splinter-Foot-Girl (cont.) from Arapaho mythology by Stith Thompson
Splinter-Foot-Girl (end) from Arapaho mythology by Stith Thompson
Hey there! The original story seems really interesting based off what you put in your Author's Note. I like how it almost seems like a competition between the men, who has the most painful story to share from their daughter. I also like how the story ending with a constellation being made, how cool! Also, I really like your title, I think it's endearing and it's very clear that it came directly from the story.
ReplyDeleteHey Natalie,
ReplyDeleteI constantly find your stories in the randomizer and I always enjoy reading them! I think the original story sounds very interesting. I will have to go check it out soon. I really liked your version of the story, I think you did a great job of clearly portraying your story to readers and you don't use much complicated diction or grammar, so this is a good story for everyone. The only thing I would suggest changing is just to add a little more detail to your story. Great Job overall!
Natalie, this was such an interesting story! I hadn't read the original but your description of it made it sound very unique and engaging. I liked how you used dialogue in your story to explain the actions of the warrior's daughter. It's a great example of the classic writing adage - "show don't tell." Instead of just telling us that her parents are proud of her, you show us that through their conversation. Good job!
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