Comment Wall for The Baba Yagas' Gifts

 


Dark, creepy woods. (Source: Pikist)
My Storybook Project

Comments

  1. Hello,

    I enjoyed your tale, and I love stories of Baba Yaga the bogeyman/woman parents warrant their children about.

    There are a few things to fix in your story that will make it better.

    In the beginning, I'm confused as to who the Baba Yaga is talking to. Herself? Someone else? I don't learn the correct information until paragraphs later, which as a reader is a little frustrating. I would suggest stating how each of the voice sounds different. Give them descriptions. Like one had a rough, deep, seductive voice, while the other carried a sing-song tone. This creates differences and uniqueness to where the reader can identify each of the Baba Yaga sisters.
    Also separating the dialogue into different paragraphs is okay, but I just suggest keep two or three lines of dialogue together before moving to another paragraph. This is done in may books when there is a lot of dialogue.

    Later, when you state the Baba's 2's servant. It is better to stay consistent and spell it out.

    I really like what you are going for, and I hope this helps.

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  2. Natalie, I'm actually really excited to see where your storybook is going to go! I've heard of the Baba Yaga numerous times, and even in popular movies, but I've never gone any further than that. So, I hope you can introduce me to her/them through your writing! That said, I know later in the introduction you label the Yaga's, and I totally appreciate that because it was confusing; however, my main suggestion would be to have the labelling come right away. This is your story, so of course you don't have to do that, but maybe italicize and bold when a different sister is speaking. Maybe even give them different mannerisms to tell them apart besides the fact that one's evil, good and neutral.

    Those are my only genuine critiques, but questions that I personally have -- I think it'd be cool to learn why each sister is the way they are? Literally it doesn't even have to be a ton of detail, it could be as simple as "the evil sister just likes to eat children," and I'd take it! Still, whatever direction you decide to take the story in I know it'll be cool!

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  3. Hi Natalie!
    I think the cover page to your site is awesome. I really love how you did the black and all dark colored page with the brighter colored picture. It really makes the picture stand out which I think is awesome! One comment I would have is to maybe make the comment wall and wording on your first page a tiny bit bigger. At first it was a little hard for me to see so I think making it a little bigger would be easier for people to visit your site in the future. I think your introduction was awesome. I love that you included a lot of dialogue in it. I think it really makes the story awesome and shows a great side to it. I think it is also very cool how you paused the story in the middle of it to explain, I think that was very creative of you.

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  4. Hi Natalie! Wow your website is captivating! Before reading a single word I felt like I was thrown into some sort of mysterious, intriguing world. I love the black theme and the large picture- it really makes it stand out a lot. I couldn’t tell if the woman in the picture was good or bad, which made me want to read the introduction even more. I really liked how you formatted your introduction. You didn't explain anything, but instead jumped right into an excerpt from the story. It was very enjoyable to read and kept my attention until the end. However, I was confused who baba yaga was talking to during parts of it. I would recommend making that more clear so readers aren't left wondering-unless that is what you are intending to do. I would recommend making the font a bit bigger, as it is a little small and could be hard to read for some people. Great job though!

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  5. Hi Natalie,
    I enjoyed how well your website is laid out, it invites readers in and is very intriguing. I love the large imagine as soon as you arrive to the home page, it makes the readers already have a vision for the story they are about to read. I like how your introduction was straight from your story. This can be very intriguing to readers. This also can catch the eyes of potential readers who may have been not been interested until you reeled them in. I think so far it is awesome and look forward to seeing your progress.

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  6. Hey, Natalie!
    I really enjoyed looking at your storybook so far! I think it has a really great theme, I've heard of Baba Yaga before, but I have never really looked into it much, I am excited to learn from you! I think your storybook has a great layout and it is really easy to navigate. I wish your introduction wasn't quite as narrative, I know it is often hard for some people to gather context from narrative. However, this may just be a personal preference and I think it gets the point across okay! Overall, I think you are doing a great job so far and I cannot wait to read more in a few weeks!

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  7. Hi Natalie
    I would say I really like to read your story! Although I never heard the story of Baba Yagas, the plots of three women who both have the same name still make me feel novel and excited. Can't wait for the following stories!
    Also, I think it is a good strategy to set different labels for Baba Yagas. Different names and different personalities make me distinguish them in an easier way. When I read the beginning of the story, I feel confused about different characters. But you have solved this problem successfully!
    However, I think the font size would be another problem for your storybook. When I read it, sometimes I felt a little bit difficult to recognize them. Maybe a larger font size would be a good choice for you!

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  8. Hi Natalie!
    This is a very interesting storybook topic! I like it a lot because It’s very different and I feel like this story will have a lot of twists and turns and different directions you could go, the possibilities are endless! The flow is good but I have a few suggestions! So at the beginning of the introduction, when you have the narrator break off and explain the difference between the three Baba Yaga sister’s personalities, I would recommend maybe italicizing those paragraphs so the reader can better understand that those paragraphs are separate, almost like a separate thought! And I’m not sure the “Hm..” at the beginning is necessary, but I do understand the tone you were trying to convey with the narrator speaking! I really like the way you set that up though. It’s an easy straightforward way to let the readers know exactly who they’re dealing with!

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  9. Hi Natalie!
    Your introduction story was a really fun way to introduce the three Baba Yagas to the reader, as well as to help distinguish between the three of them for later on.
    I love the way you themed your site, the dark theme really goes well with the type of stories you have in it and the images you've chosen.
    As for suggestions, you might put the home page as the left-most page in the navigation, it was a little odd that the introduction was to the left of the home page. (You should be able to drag them up and down in the pages view on the sidebar in the editing page for your site, and it should rearrange them along the navigation bar at the top)
    I also like the little detail you included in the author's note to hint at the significance of tying the ribbon around the tree branch.


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  10. Hi Natalie!
    You chose well for your storybook topic! I love how you started off the introduction with the dialogue between the three Baba Yagas. I'm glad you chose different names for them and explained why you chose those names for them. I'm sad that you weren't able to keep all the parts you initially wanted for your first story. I also struggled to keep my first story under 1000 words. I think it's cool how you chose to keep the ribbon on the tree and that will influence the others choices for the paths they take. I was curious to know why Annika was sent on the trip to Baba Yaga by her aunt. Is that something stated in the original story? If it is, you could include that in the author's note. Overall, I think your storybook is structured well. Your introduction shows good insight to let the readers know what to expect in the coming stories.

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  11. Hi Natalie,

    When I first opened your storybook, I was immediately pleased. The black background really complimented the giant picture, which was absolutely beautiful. It reminds me so much of the story Thundercake. My grandma used to read it to me all the time! She was also called "Baba," a Russian grandmother.

    Oh, and the Thundercake cover also has Baba on the front with a scarf on her head and chickens in the back! Your storybook is so nostalgic to me, I love it!

    I really like how you made your introduction an introductory story with dialogue and everything instead of talking about the background or overview. I think it is really interesting and is a great way to pull readers in fast.

    I really like your storybook so far! Your writing skills are incredible and it was very entertaining to read. Great work! I cannot wait to read more of it soon!

    -Libby

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  12. Hi Natalie,

    I agree with earlier comment, your storybook is so aesthetically pleasing. I love the dark background combined with the green, colorful pictures you chose. It's a nice color story, and it makes everything pop out beautifully. I've never heard of Baba Yaga, but your story really makes me want to learn more. I might try to read about the legend as an extra credit reading option, so thank you for the knowledge.

    For the stories/introduction. I loved your focus on dialogue in your intro. I think you made the characters sound like real people, not folks in a story, which is very hard to do! So nice work. It made me want to keep reading, and it was an easy read because of the entertaining scene you set up.
    I agree that it's a bit confusing at the beginning. It reads like one person speaking to themselves, but it's really 3 different people with the same name. BUT it quickly goes away when you have that little interruption in the story, so I think it still works. Is there a way you could make it more clear that there are 3 people in the scene? Maybe you could write something like, "said the other Baba Yaga" and then, "said another Baba Yaga"? That way it's still a bit confusing, but the reader understands that there are 3 Babas.

    I simply loved your first story. It has great detail and dialogue. I will be returning to this story for "tips" on how to write something engaging. So, I don't have any suggestions for that one.
    Great work!

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  13. Oooo! As someone who loved 'Choose Your Own Adventure' books in my childhood, this is super fun! And also really clever plus interactive. Good job on that. I only know about the whole Baba Yaga myth in passing, so reading your story really educated me on her folklore. I wasn't aware that she was three sisters with the same name and differing temperaments, and it would have been a challenge for any writer to try to differentiate the trio but you pulled it off wonderfully in the introduction, then added further separation by making readers choose which path to take which I'm assuming leads to different sisters?

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  14. Hi Natalie,
    This looks very interesting. I really do not know much about the Baba Yaga. I certainly did not know there were three Baba Yaga's. Your introduction does a wonderful job of explaining who they are. I also love that you chose a dialogue to do a sort of cold open into your storybook. There is also a personal feel to this, as if you were sitting right across from me and telling me this. I am also fond of the choose your own adventure set up. The set up definitely makes it feel like you are being sucked into the story itself. It is well written and I do not see any apparent grammar errors. One thing I would recommend is to continue the black and white contrast you seem to have going. Keep with it when choosing your photos too, it really works for your layout.

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